Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Saving The World With a Cheap Mountain Bicycle

Really! I'm Going To Save America!!

It's such a beautiful day today in North East Texas that I just couldn't stay inside. I just had to get out and ride my cheap mountain bicycle. No, there are no mountains anywhere around here. Basically, the term refers to a bicycle that you can ride off road, or on dirt and gravel, or rock roads with greater ease than you could with a Lance Armstrong style racing bicycle.
Besides the facts that bicycles are my only means and mode of transportation other than "neal and pat," my two feets; I also like to ride my bicycle to pick up aluminum cans. Picking up and selling aluminum cans is a great way to not only get exercise for increased health, but to also earn un reported tax free income. While I think that paying local taxes is a great thing, I find IRS taxes an abhorrent aberration to the American culture for so many reasons that I can't possibly list them all. Yes, I had to digitally sign a damn tax form for my Google Adsense account, but NO, I find it disgusting that anything that I do could go to support corporate fascist American wars which kill not only "enemy" combatants in the war for corporate America and international banking cartels; but also, our "war on terror" also poisons the innocents of those lands for the next four billion years with depleted uranium munitions so I think that the IRS is a criminal enterprise that should be abolished right away, yesterday would have been preferred, but today will suffice just fine, thanks.
Oh, and don't forget how we sometimes shoot unarmed innocents on the streets with helicopter gunships; we've all seen that video.
Not only those things, of course, are horrific, we also have exposed our own soldiers, most of them practically children, with the same depleted uranium munitions, and we've denied it. Bush and Bush Jr. That New World Order thing, and that smirk that I'd love to slap off of a face.

A Cheap Mountain Bicycle

A cheap mountain bicycle is far superior to a nice expensive one in dozens of ways. You see, it's harder to ride a cheap mountain bicycle, and so you are able to get better and more exercise by riding it. Lots of Americans are overweight. Lots of Americans need to be riding cheap mountain bicycles, but they should leave the aluminum cans alone because those are mine.
Picking up aluminum cans as you ride your cheap mountain bicycle is better exercise than just riding a cheap mountain bicycle is, as you've constantly got to get on, and off, start, and stop. It's wonderful for your heart, your legs, and your lungs. I think it's also good for my libido, but a light breeze is good for my libido as well, use your imagination for that one.
Picking up aluminum cans while riding your cheap mountain bicycle beautifies your neighborhood. It makes you physically more beautiful when you ride your cheap mountain bicycle and pick up aluminum cans, and it gets the garbage out of the ditch and the road; except that aluminum cans picked up while riding a cheap mountain bicycle are not garbage, they are tax free income that doesn't support foreign murder and oppression, or the poisoning of U.S. soldiers with depleted uranium munitions.
One must, however, realize that simply saying that U.S. soldiers are poisoned with depleted uranium munitions is rather simplistic and totally incomplete, the reason that it is incomplete is because there are other Western nations that have soldiers being poisoned with depleted uranium along with ours. And depleted uranium munitions also poisons the spouses of the soldiers when they do the whole marital physical thing, and if that marital physical thing produces children, those children will be deformed or damaged by depleted uranium munitions poisoning as well.
But what do I know? I'm just a guy that rides a cheap mountain bicycle and picks up aluminum cans on the side of the road; and you are likely the man or woman that looks at me funny when you drive your SUV past me on the road, and you pay for that SUV from the income from a job that requires you to pay a lot of money to the criminal IRS, which then spends money to create depleted uranium munitions, and I don't find those on the side of the road, or if I do; I'm too stupid to know it, and that's why I don't have a job in the depleted uranium poison industry. I just ride a cheap mountain bicycle for my health, and pick up aluminum cans so that you can have a more beautiful neighborhood to drive your SUV down the road to, and so that you can feel superior when you look at me funny while I'm picking up aluminum cans and riding a cheap mountain bicycle.
But perhaps I've digressed. Digression is another one of my faults, and that is another reason why I pick up cans, and have a much better level of health than you do; but financially, you rock!

Education and the Cheap Mountain Bicycle

Education isn't something that one gets in American schools these days, indoctrination into corporate fascist xenophobic and ethnocentric american corporate fascism is what is taught.  This is why we import skilled labor from other countries almost as fast as we export jobs.  We are a great nation of exporters here in America, and jobs that used to belong to people who sit at home and collect unemployment while I'm out riding my cheap mountain bicycle and picking up aluminum cans are our greatest export.
Cheap mountain bicycles have breaks, and gears, and even the time honored engineering marvel known as "the wheel."  Actually, there are, I think, two wheels on my cheap mountain bicycle, but science, engineering, and math were never as important as football was in Kaufman, Texas; so I might have to ask someone from India or Pakistan for secondary confirmation on my idea about there being two wheels.  I also don't know any football positions other than quarterback, and I want my quarterback for that beer I just bought with my income from the aluminum cans that I picked up from my cheap mountain bicycle, which I THINK, has two wheels on it.  Why is the price of beer going up? 
Oh, probably to pay for the cost of importing people who know "complicated" engineering things, like how to adjust the cables and breaks and stuff on a cheap mountain bicycle.  I'm actually very glad that my country is looking out for people that ride bicycles, like I do.

Thanks to the Department of Homeland Security, I Can Ride My Cheap Mountain Bicycle Without FEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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