I have a crush on Irish Breakfast Tea. . . . . and stuff.

Last January I got to become good friends with a beautiful Irish woman.. I don't know how this happened, really, but I'm fiercely proud of it. She's the most beautiful woman that I've never met.

This woman's name is Rahne, and I get to talk to her on e-mails most days. I like those days the best. We talk about any and everything; and she's great at telling me things that I don't know.

One day, I was telling her that I'd bought some Earl Grey, and some English Breakfast Tea, you know, cause she's from the U.K.., and stuff.

"English Breakfast Tea is totally for wankers and tossers," she said.

I didn't realize that I was TOTALLY drinking the wrong tea, so I said, "really?"

"Yeah, " she said.

So I said, "oh," and then went on to relay that I hadn't known that.

"Yeah, that's why I told you."

So I said, "thanks," and then went and bought some Irish Breakfast Tea. I wanted to impress her in some small way, and I found that this was something that wouldn't be too hard to achieve. I even bought organic stuff,  cause I'm "hip."

So I could hardly wait to log on, and let her know, cause I'm thinking about her most all the time. When we get in bad arguments, I have a hard time sleeping. I was sure that we'd get on okay when I told her about the tea.

"I got me some Irish Breakfast Tea," I'd said.

"You have to drink that with milk, or it might kill you," she told me, "and Irish people sometimes like to put alcohol in it."

Now I was getting excited, but not about the milk part.

"Here in the South, they can give you the death penalty for putting milk into tea," I told her truthfully.

"Well," she said; "your on your own with that shit."

I can't wait to impress her by surviving my first cup!